Now on to the “H” of the wifely prayer acronym “PRE-HEAT.” The “H” is for Heart Idols. All men have them and all women have them. Even kids have them. Tim Keller explores several big idols like money, sex, and power in his book Counterfeit Gods. But what Keller does extremely well in this book is that he elucidates how money, sex, and power, are really only “surface idols.” Different people may seek the same “surface idol” for a different reason, and until that reason, or heart idol (he calls it a “deep idol”) is addressed, we’re only scratching the surface. In relation to money, Killer writes:

“Surface idols” are things such as money, our spouse, or children, through which our deep idols seek fulfillment. We are often superficial in the analysis of our idol structures. For example, money can be a surface idol that serves to satisfy more foundational impulses. Some people want lots of money as a way to control their world and life. Such people usually don’t spend much money and live very modestly. They keep it all safely saved and invested, so they can feel completely secure in the world. Others want money for access to social circles or to make themselves feel beautiful and attractive. These people do spend their money on themselves in lavish ways. Other people want money because it gives them so much power over others. In every case money functions as an idol and yet, because of various deep idols, it results in different patterns of behavior. pg. 65

So anyone who is shepherding another, whether it’s a husband, pastor, elder, parent, Sunday school teacher, mentor, older friend, will do a disservice to those under their care if we don’t go below the waterline and discern the reasons behind the clearer “surface idols.” It takes time listening and loving, but this is a must in praying for your spouses.

Now on to the “E” of PRE-HEAT in “wifely” prayers. I guess that’s a word, as it didn’t get underlined in the spell check.

“E” is for enjoy, and is fitting since I no longer have the pain of a kidney stone-though I have no evidence it has actually departed. And I preached on joy this past Sunday, so joy is on the brain.

I pray that Amy would truly find herself enjoying time with the Lord, time with me, time with Connar, time with friends, family, church family, and neighbors. It seems that Amy’s best days (and I would imagine this is true with most women) occur when she thoroughly enjoys all of her relationships. In the marriage arena, I could be wrong here, but I think that intimacy will naturally come when spouses are truly enjoying each others’ presence, conversations, texts (while apart).

Ultimately if Amy is finding satisfaction in her relationship with Jesus, then God is most glorified. So this is ultimately a very God-centered prayer. And once she is fully satisfied in Christ, then she can more easily enjoy the rest of us-since we’re not her ultimate and primary source of joy. We’re not expected to be something we’re not: Jesus the source of true joy (Matt 13:44-46).

Because I think God is also highly glorified when she finds a secondary satisfaction in the husband of her youth (though we got married at 26, so we technically weren’t “youths” or “yutes” like in My Cousin Vinny), I pray for to enjoy being married to me, as hard as that may be sometimes.

But again, keep in mind the prayer for our spouses to Enjoy Christ, as well as His gift of husbands, church family, friends, kids, houses, and even coffee, will result in her thanksgiving and God’s honor. So don’t forget to pray for your ladies joy.

“Relax, don’t do it, when you want to go to it.” – Frankie Goes to Hollywood

Continuing in the acronym PRE-HEAT, I want to briefly look at the “R” now. I can’t speak for all women, but I can speak for Amy (and the same goes for myself). We need to relax. We both believe God is Sovereign and in control of all things. We also believe that doesn’t negate human responsibility. Both are true.

But when responsibility bumps up against sovereignty, sovereignty always wins. What I mean is that you can be completely irresponsible and do all the wrong things, and God can still redeem the situation. And you can be completely responsible, and not see the outcome you so desired.

Amy and I often err on the side of responsibility, so that causes us not to be lazy (and that’s good), but it also keeps us from relaxing (not good). Whether its child rearing, going to work, worrying about children, relationships, family, or whatever, a good prayer is for women to be able to relax. For Amy, relaxing that bills will be paid, Connar will love Jesus, learn to listen, and speak in real sentences some day. Relaxing is hard for someone chasing after a rambunctious 23 month old little boy, and will only get harder when the next child hits the scene.

In Colossians 1:29, Paul speaks of “his (Christ’s) energy, which so powerfully works in me.” That’s why we can hopefully pray for women who are juggling 30 things, to relax even amidst their labors. Now this doesn’t negate the necessity to actually relax, stop working, and take a sabbath rest or even a daily break with a glass of sweet tea or wine. But before that time, my prayer is that Amy feels relaxed amidst her busyness, responsibilities, and concerns.

Now to start with the prayers. The “P” in PREHEAT stands for protection. I want to be regularly praying for Amy to not only be protected (actually) but also to feel protected (existentially). My favorite Psalm is 91, where the psalmists describes God as a “refuge” and “fortress.”

While Amy is driving-which she hates-I pray God to be a refuge and fortress to not only keep her safe, but allow her to feel safe.

And obviously women are more prone to violent attack or rape, so it would be foolish to simply ignore prayers for such protection in today’s world. In addition to physical protection, a helpful paradigm from my Reformed tradition is the “world, flesh, and devil.”

“Devil”

Women, the same as men, are subject to spiritual attack. So it would likewise be foolish to ignore this aspect-though most often presbyterians (and I) do. Satan can easily place little doubts, like “Am I a good enough wife? A good enough Mom? Fit or trim enough? Pretty enough?” To take down a man, Satan will often go after his wife so that he can get a two-for-one deal.

“Flesh”=our tendency to struggle with general and specific sin

A prayer of protection for daughters, sisters, and friends could deal with protection from “settling.” It’s sad and far too predictable how young women settle for dudes who are just too spiritually immature or are unbelievers. So Queen’s “Another one bites the dust” just plays in the background of their lives, but never loud enough for them to hear it. We really need to be praying not just for patience and protection but for the actual provision of godly husbands.

“World” = the specifically sinful cultural assumptions

Our ladies need protection from the world’s depiction of success: career woman, perfect super soccer mom, completely independent, sexy pre-baby bodies even for mothers who’ve had many children. Of course Christian ghettos have their own unhealthy depictions of what moms and women are supposed to be, but I don’t have time to go into those. I would categorize them under “world” just as Jesus categorized the religious and cultural assumptions of his day which were contrary to scripture. But those don’t seem as much of an issue where I’m serving now, so I’ll leave it at that.

One man wisely said, “I’m not man enough to be a woman.” I agree. At the heart level, the only weapons we have against this battle are sacrificial and active love, God’s word, and prayer, so lads, let’s get to it.

“Jefe…You do not understand women…..” El Guapo

What better way to introduce the subject of praying for women than El Guapo from Three Amigo’s?

I’ve spent a little time lately trying to develop a practical grid for helping we husbands, and lads in general (this grid should help friends, brothers, fathers as well) pray for their lady-friends.
Amy will come on after me and give us some thoughts on praying for your man-friends. I love that word, if it is one.

Anyhow, the acronym I’m going to try to put to good use is PREHEAT. Now please don’t think I associate women with pre-heating an oven. I’m not a male chauvinist pig comparable to El Guapo (the “handsome one”). I may be 2 out of 3, eating like a pig, but I don’t think I’m a chauvinist.

I simply put down seven areas to correspond to days in the week I wanted to pray for Amy, and the first letters seemed to form this word.

But I think it also is more than a meaningless acronym. Our prayer for our women ought to ultimately be that they “heat” up during the day. That they exhibit the “heat” (feeling/heart) and “light” (knowing truth/head) from God. So in a way, I hope my prayers in the morning would serve as a pre-heating device like turning on the oven. And of course that it would heat up throughout the day.

This is a work in progress. Women and men, please feel free to share and reflect with comments. I’m not trying to get a book deal out of this thing-though I wouldn’t turn one down of course! I’m just trying to come up with an aid which may be helpful to move us all to more specific and regular prayer for the women in our lives.

Tomorrow I shall explore the “P.”