Author Archives: geoffsnook77

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Jay Mohr on "suffering"

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Jay Mohr played a dirtbag agent Bob Sugar in the movie Jerry McGuire. From what I can tell after hearing him numerous times guest hosting the Jim Rome show, I don’t think he had to “act” too much for that role. Actually I have never enjoyed him filling in until a few days ago. 

Mohr referenced someone complaining, “We’ve suffered through years of bad quarterbacks and we finally have a good one now.” 

He responded, “Oh, so you personally suffered during the bad quarterback play? What, did you go without a coat all winter? Were you evicted from your house? Did you have no place to live? You suffered because of bad quarterback play?”

I’m sure I’ve said similar things. A good reminder in regards to words we use to describe sporting events. We don’t really “suffer.” Even long suffering Browns and Bucs fans.

But he wasn’t done. Mohr went on to fairly accurately describe the way some folks view their sports teams. We slave 40 hours at a job we hate with a boss we dislike to check out for 3 hours and have something to really live for.

I guess you can see why some folks use the word “suffer.” Not a good way to view sports. But when there is no alternative bigger picture other than sports, success, family, it makes sense. And when Christians forget the bigger picture of the gospel, we can very quickly revert back to our old form.

I may never say this again, but, thank you Jay Mohr.

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Coach Schiano’s son and what do with "fatherly embarassment"

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Buccaneers coach Greg Schiano has been, and will be under much scrutiny this year. First of all, he is a first year head coach. But more than a first year head coach, he is a first year head coach who came from Rutgers. Most college coaches don’t make good NFL coaches (and there was a good one last year, so the “law of averages” is not in his favor). Then he makes news in his second game of the season by implementing a college play (trying to cause a fumble during the “victory formation” kneel down). Then come reports of Schiano being a bully to folks visiting Rutgers.

Now the most recent story is his linebacker son at Berkeley Prep getting suspended for the rest of the season. Apparently vulgar language can come from coaches but not from players using such words in anger toward the referees. 

According to a FHSAA report obtained by The Tampa Tribune, Schiano was ejected from the Lennard game for using profanity at a referee. The conduct is considered a “Level 2” unsportsmanlike conduct, which carries a six-week suspension.

This is somewhat ironic in that Coach Greg Schiano preaches discipline. According to respected player Ronde Barber, “he even has rules for rules.” But his son was obviously playing by another set of rules.

Here are a few takes:

1.) A son’s behavior, particularly when it swims against the current of his father’s core teachings, reflects poorly on the father. Now it doesn’t mean that the father has done a bad job of instilling discipline. It doesn’t necessarily mean that he is a bad dad-although how one can be a good Dad AND good football coach is either a mystery or impossibility. But it really does dishonor and embarrass the father. When our kids do cuss out refs, or don’t shake hands after games, it really is embarrassing. I think that’s probably OK. But what we do with the embarrassment is where we can get into trouble.

2.) Regardless of the fact that it does embarrass the father (I’m sure I’ve embarrassed my father the same way my son’s tantrums embarrass me) I don’t think my embarrassment can EVER be the reason  why such a behavior is bad. Now for shame based cultures without the gospel, there is nothing wrong with that. That’s normal. Don’t screw up because you bring shame to the father. And if you do, you have to bear that shame somehow through atonement or suicide. But if the gospel reminds us that there is no shame for those in Christ (Romans 8:1), then parents can’t play the, “you embarrassed me” card. God doesn’t do it to us, so we can’t do it our kids.

3.) It’s natural to be embarrassed. But have you ever asked yourself, “Why is this so embarrassing for me?” Often times it is because we lose approval points. We don’t look like we know what we’re doing (which is only an illusion anyway). No one will give us the proverbial “parent of the day” award. And you know you want it. I do, and that’s why my child’s bad behavior is so embarrassing.

4.) While sins affects more than just the person sinning such as the parent, team, or community, the ultimate offended one is God. Schiano may have rules for rules, but God has laid out a perfect design for us to follow. And it is him whom we have offended. David reminds us of this when he says, “Against you, you only have I sinned Lord….”(Psalm 51:4) The sin of cussing out a referee or refusing to shake the other teams hands is not primarily an offense against the ref, the other team, or the coach, but against the Lord.

5.) It doesn’t hurt to read and re-read, and re-hash in our minds the story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32). The younger brother, due to his sin and selfishness brings shame to the father. In a shame based culture, this is a bad idea. Bad Idea Jeans for sure. But the father meets the son outside of town, embraces him, and brings him back into town to remind everyone that he is covered. The father covers the sons shame while taking the sons shame upon Himself. How great is it to hear that God is not embarrassed or ashamed to call us his sons, nor is Jesus ashamed to call us his younger brothers (Heb 2:11). I hope I can remember this the next time I’m embarrassed by my son’s actions.

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This UK pastor is OK: Struggle with same sex attraction

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Yesterdays sermon on Ephesians 5 took us deep into the challenging world of sexuality. It’s probably the most offensive topic, whether it be a neighbor sleeping with his girlfriend, a capitulating “non-struggle” with pornography, or whether homosexuality is “cool” with God. If you question these ideas, you will most likely get dealt the “don”t judge me” card.

But there is a difference between struggling/wrestling or admitting struggles in such areas AND “Let’s not go there.” The latter is a non-Christian response. But there are is also a difference betwixt struggling/wrestling with sexual sin and actually admitting/confessing sin. The former demonstrates that Christ is working in you. If there’s no struggle, then you’ve arrived at Heaven. And I’m not sure folks in Heaven are reading this blog-though I can’t prove that. And it would be pretty cool if they were. But that’s a bit tangential.

I think the latter, actually admitting/confessing takes belief one step further.

Most Christians-and I’m in that category-tend to limit sin struggles to very generic terms like “pride” or “lust.” Duh….thanks for letting me in; tell me something I don’t know!

The specifics are hard. When those specifics comprise sexual sin, they are much harder. When those specifics involve same sex attraction, that is REALLY hard. When one is a pastor, that is REALLY, REALLY hard.

Vaughn Roberts, and I are close. If by close you mean I met his sister at the National Outreach Conference in San Diego back in 2008, and I have one of his books God’s Big Picture, yes we are close. Recently he agreed to an interview about his struggles with same-sex attraction.

Do yourself and those around you a favor. No I’m not talking about wearing deodarant or flossing your teeth: read this interview.  Here’s a snippet:

Julian: Evangelical Anglicans are widely reported as saying there shouldn’t be gay clergy. What does that mean for you?

Vaughan: The press is often very misleading here. There is no objection to people being church leaders because of a homosexual orientation. The focus of the argument is over teaching and practice. Evangelicals say that clergy should uphold the Bible’s teaching that sex is only for heterosexual marriage in teaching and lifestyle, both of which I do.

Julian: You might not be meaning to say anything fundamental about your identity by acknowledging that homosexuality is a personal issue for you, but there are many who will hear you in that way and are likely to label you accordingly. Would it not have been better to have kept silent?

Vaughan: I have been very grateful for the friendship and wisdom of my Advisory Group (Peter Comont, Jonathan Lamb, Will Stileman and Pete Wilkinson), who keep me accountable and provide much needed counsel. They, along with close family and friends, have known for a considerable time that I experience same-sex attraction. We have thought through these issues together and, although the words in the preface are very low key, I didn’t take the decision to write them lightly.

In fact, I included some personal references when I first wrote the chapter on homosexuality six years ago, but I removed them before it was published because we were all conscious of the potential dangers of unhelpful labelling and of the pressure for me to engage increasingly in a single issue ministry — something I’m very keen to avoid. I felt it right to include the new preface, however, with their support, because of an increasing conviction that there does need to be more openness in this area among evangelical Christians, given the rapidly changing culture we live in — and the resulting increased pressure on believers who face this battle…….

 Julian: What advice would you give to those who have not felt able to share their experience of same-sex attraction with other Christians?

Vaughan: I would strongly urge them to take a first step and think of at least one mature believer they could trust and be open with. We haven’t been called to live as isolated Christians, but rather as members of God’s family in local churches. Churches are imperfect, just as we all are as individuals, but they are the context in which God means us to grow together as disciples. Many of us have found that honesty about our struggles with trusted brothers and sisters has not only been an encouragement to us, but has also made it easier for others to open up to us about their own battles. Parachurch organisations can also be a useful resource. The True Freedom Trust (http://www.truefreedomtrust.co.uk), for example, has been a great help to many.

I’m glad Vaughan chose NOT to take this particular struggle out of his book since the title of the book IS Battles Christians Face. Christians do face this battle. To admit such a struggle takes serious some serious spiritual cojones (I know that’s crass but “gusto” just doesn’t do this act justice). It takes some serious belief in the gospel. Remember, you can confess and admit struggles if you believe that you are ALREADY clothed in the righteousness of Christ. You can admit your struggle with depression, same-sex attraction, pornography, eating disorders, or whatever other struggles are taboo for church folks.

Thankful for the gospel centric honesty from Vaughan. Probably a fantastic pastor.

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Greenberg and Acting like Marlins

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Every now and then you just come across a cool story in sports. In 2005, Adam Greenberg stepped up to the plate for the first time, and took the first pitch. Right to the back of the head. The first pitch was his last pitch, as he never earned his way back to the big leagues. Until last night. Check out the story here. Seriously, do yourself a favor and check this one out.

It would have been magical for him to have hit a home run off 20 game winner R.A. Dickey. But instead he struck out on three straight 80 mph knuckleballs. Like most of the Tampa Bay Rays he faced this summer.

But the ovation from the fans left him feeling as part of the ball club. So did the Marlins, from manager to the stars, from top to bottom. Several Marlins players invited him to come watch football during the week. He was part of the club. At least for a day.

The Jim Rome interview today shed a little more light on the story. Some big-wig and his wife were watching Field of Dreams (first time for the wife). “Moonlight Graham has nothing on Adam Greenberg,” said the husband. And thus the dream to get Adam Greenberg back up for one more plate appearance was born. Last night was the fruition of lots of hard work. 

But it was hard work on someone else’s part. Greenberg admitted that he didn’t do anything to promote or get back onto the field. All he did was say, “Yes, I’d love to get at least one more at bat.” He received it. 

The warm reception surprises me a bit. In a good way. A bunch of people who worked hard to get there, received this newbie like he was one of their own. They showed him grace and welcomed him as part of their community. 

When it comes to the church community, we don’t have to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes so much. We don’t have to pretend. The church comprises a bunch of “Greenbergs,” who have benefited from someone else working hard behind the scenes on its behalf. As long as we remember we’re really a bunch of Greenberg’s, we’ll act like Marlins.

While I would have loved a home-run for Greenberg, he is thankful for the gracious opportunity to strike out. An obviously Jewish name (he also played for Israel’s national team), maybe this won’t be his last taste of grace? Maybe the veil will be lifted some day (II Cor 3:14-16)?

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Retreat Reinforecments: Costs, Cultural Relvance Pass, and Youth Can Listen to Sermons

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This is simply a follow up from yesterday’s Modgnik post highlighting some random things I learned as a leader last weekend.

1.) Retreats really do have a cost. Obviously they cost money, as the retreat center needs to be rented (600 kids!), speaker paid, band secured, creative skits practiced, food eaten, kids housed, gas guzzled, etc…..These retreats take up a big chunk of our youth budget, and family wallets/bank accounts do take hits. But there is also physical toll that retreats take on leaders. One of ours progressively got sicker throughout the weekend and will be paying for her sacrifice this week. Sleep has never been my companion on these retreats either. But also, consider the family sacrifice. My four year old was not happy to send has Daddy off, and so that made his Mommy’s sacrifice a bit harder as well. But it is part of my job, so how thankful am I to have parents and another non-parents come to labor alongside of me? Very thankful. I became acutely aware of some of the costs that really go into such a retreat (saying nothing of the sacrifice of those who regularly get together to plan these things). Modgnik is worth the price of admission and the “pay-offs” in the lives of these youth-and their leaders-is often eternal. Cost counting doesn’t make me prideful but thankful for those who sacrificed to send kids and leaders.

2.) Youth will give you a pass when you don’t pass the cultural relevance test. Our speaker referenced R.J.3, the former Heisman trophy winner and current Washington Redskins quarterback the first evening. The problem is that his name is Robert Griffin III, and so his nickname is R.G 3. He got some flack, but the kids cut him some slack. No mention of it throughout the weekend. Perhaps the Harry Potter allusions covered his bases, but I think that most kids get over that kind of stuff pretty quickly. Middle schoolers care that you like them much more than how well you know their culture. Fortunately. I must be living in the past, because I knew ZERO pop songs they played as we piled into the meeting room and cafeteria. Coolness and relevance are far less important to youth than love.

3.) Middle Schoolers can listen to sermons. This speaker is an RUF guy, and RUF guys do sermons. They preach expository sermons, and regularly allude to verses and say things like, “I get this from verse 8.” He didn’t disappoint, and yet I was concerned that he might be over the kids’ heads. Last year’s speaker looked and sounded very different, and spoke on very different subjects. This guy preached Revelation, yet he wasn’t over their heads at all! Most of them articulated back to me exactly what he said in our cabin discussion time. The amount of “take-away” from the sermons confirmed that kids really can listen. A number of girls even took notes. While I do think preachers like myself need to recognize folks with shorter attention spans (like myself), middle schoolers should be expected to follow along. As parents we can follow up with our kids and expect to have meaningful sermon discussion. But we have to raise our expectations beyond the “Well I didn’t hear him/her talking too much this week, so things are good” perspective.

4.) Illustrations are important for all, but especially so for middle schoolers. I consider illustrations as the “coat hanger” on which to hang both the truth and applications. When connected with the truth and application, they provide something to help the kid think about when the sermon is done. These kids could re-tell the illustration and the truth articulated. Reinforced the need for illustrations, and their power to connect the listener to more than just the preacher, but to Jesus.

Just some things I learned this week and want to pass on.

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Modgnik Recap 2012

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This past weekend, Redeemer’s youth group, and 4 leaders made our trek down to Rockbridge (a young life retreat center) for the annual Modgnik Retreat 2012. Modgnik is “Kingdom” spelled backwards, which is appropriately named because Jesus’ Kingdom often runs completely backward to how the world (not to mention Christians) operates.

Last year, the speaker focused on the Kingdom and Culture. This year, Shawn Slate, R.U.F. (Reformed University Fellowship) campus minister at University of Virginia, camped out in Revelation. He called the youth, and of course their leaders, to a greater heavenly vision with all sorts of relevance for our lives today.

While the speaker is clearly in his element on the college campus, his personality, allusions, honesty, and illustrations reinforced a very deep message. As far as I could tell in the following cabin discussion times, the youth tracked well and could rehash the main points and illustrations.

So with that in mind, let me rehash some for you.

On the first evening, he challenged us to think about Revelation like a portrait. As with anyone creating a portrait, the artist is asking you to see the world the way he sees it. So it is with God, who offers us a portrait of what is really going on with the world. And we need such a portrait because we don’t see the world from His vantage point. Yet the portrait of Revelation offers us a beautiful glimpse of not just what God is doing in the world, but a deeper, brighter, more beautiful picture of Jesus. The one who is first and last, and everything in between. The world hinges around Him. The portrait is ultimately a portrait of Jesus.

He also gave us something to really think about in regard to how we read Revelation. Some of the bible explains, “Do this, or believe this,” but Revelation is God’s “show and tell.” Instead of believe this, do this, understand this, we have a “see this.” A helpful hermeneutic indeed for connecting 1st century images to 21st century life.

The picture of Jesus we have in gospels is of gentle, suffering, servant-King, but we see a bigger, brighter portrait in Revelation. Nothing boring or ordinary, but a King worthy of respect, as John immediately falls down in His presence as if dead. Jesus isn’t our “binky.” But how cool is Jesus’ offering the comfort of a “Fear not?” We’re undone in His presence, but he puts us back together in His presence. Fearsome and powerful, but compassionate and reassuring. Jesus makes no promise of comfort or power, but he does promise none other will satisfy.

Why do we need such a portrait? Because Jesus is inviting us into this story of what He’s doing in the world. It’s an invitation, more than a straight command. If God captures our imaginations, He captures our hearts. That’s what He really wants. Our hearts.

One of the more challenging images he presented was that of Jesus saying, “I will spit you out of my mouth.” Instead of us looking at Jesus and saying, albeit inaccurately but honestly, “I’m bored with you,” Jesus is ultimately saying, “I’m the One who is bored with you!” Powerful and sobering.

When John lays his eyes upon the figure of the Son of Man, where is he? Right smack dab in the middle of His people. Jesus is always right there with His people. He suffered for and with His people. And even now, while reigning, He is still in some real sense here with his people. Comforting.

So how do we live now? We long for the return of this King. We can see his presence now, though its distorted, like the Mac Photobooth where folks twist, turn, and stretch photo images. If you look closely, you can still see glimpses of what the world should look like. It’s there. But we long for the real fulfillment. We bite into 3 foot chocolate Easter bunny, and discover its hollow. But one day we get a solid chocolate Easter bunny. We are heading for a real, solid world one day. Not an ethereal realm of spirits, but a real tangible world made new. Can’t wait. Exciting!

Our cabin time after this talk focused on the hope of what will one day be. Our imaginations need to be recaptured, particularly in regards to relationships. Consider judgment on the evils of this world. We don’t have to exact vengeance, but can trust God to do that. This belief makes us more gentle, less retributive. Consider the fact that your Christian friend, leader, etc…, who hurt you, will be made new as well. If we can imagine what that person WILL become, with their positives accentuated and negatives redeemed, we can love/forgive/bear with them better TODAY. Rubber meets the road kind of stuff.

Finally, he closed with the reality that the Return of the King will be good news for believers, but bad news for unbelievers. He illustrated what longing looks like. His little daughter called her daddy a bunch of times while on his way home. Daddy are you coming now? Yes, but I had to get groceries. Daddy are you coming home now? Yes but I had to pick up your brother. Daddy, are you coming home now? Yes, sweetie, do you see that blue car, I’m just behind that blue car? His daughter was in the front yard ready and waiting with a soccer ball to play with her daddy. That’s anticipation. That image will stick. 

Hope you feel somewhat as if you were there. Would have loved to have this kind of stuff when I was a youth!

Just for your info, that is me in the pic, wearing a giant over-sized onesie pajamas. My skit career made a brief comeback after years of dormancy when someone volunteered me simply because I’m loud. Compliment or fact?

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What the Packers and Seahawks teach us about grace

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For those who opted to stay up late to watch the Monday Night Green Bay Packers vs. Seattle Seahawks game, you were rewarded with perhaps the worst call since the infamous Bert Immanuel catch (#5 on the NFL’s most controversial calls,which mind you, prompted a rule change; the “tuck rule” was never amended after Tom Brady’s fumble that wasn’t). 

If you didn’t see it, Packers defensive back M.D. Jennings came down with the final pass of the game in his hands. Seahawks receiver Golden Tate had one hand on the ball but was rewarded with the game winning catch. Things got so bad that some packers considered drastic measures like kneeling down every play until the replacement refs are sent back to the high school and Pop Warner fields from whence they came. 

To make matters worse, Golden Tate blatantly shoves down another defensive player, completely taking him out of the play. That is called “offensive pass interference” in most people’s “books,” though admittedly is rarely called at the end of games.

So Golden Tate was rewarded with the touchdown, even though someone else secured that possession for him. Tate received something good, because of the work of someone else. He received the fruit and credit for the labor of another.

Not only that, but he clearly disqualified himself by pushing down another defender in order to try and secure possession of something that was clearly out of reach. He should have received a penalty. Instead he is rewarded and blessed.

Does this sound like something that has happened before? It should.

It’s the gospel. It’s grace. Getting something good when you deserve something bad. Getting something good because the real winner chose to lose and take the bad for you.

Philippians 3:9

“….and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith…”

 Colossians 2:13-14
   13 And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses,  by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross. 
  
The Seahawks clearly were the recipients of grace in some form.

In a Jim Rome interview, one player felt particularly angered. But anger boiled up in this man not primarily because of the bad call, but because of the Seahawks disdaining the grace bestowed upon them. Instead of owing the victory to grace, several Seahawks claimed that this was simply the result of hard work, dedication, and drive.

Quarterback Russell Wilson claimed someone “made a play.” Coach Pete Caroll affirmed that it was the right call. Golden Tate wouldn’t fess up to his shoving the other defensive back to the ground.

That’s what angered this player so much. Taking credit for something it is clearly grace.

A few thoughts:

1.) Grace does make people mad, particularly those who think they’ve earned something. The older brother in the Prodigal Son story was angered by grace. He didn’t get anything good despite how “good” he thought he’d been. If you believe grace, preach grace, show grace, you will make people angry. If you tell them that they need grace, or still need grace, you will make people mad. We’re a messed up bunch, but we don’t like to hear that!

2.) On the same note (“G” for Grace), when you recognize your own need for grace, folks will find something offensive, much more attractive. It would have done much to disarm the situation if several Seahawks simply said, “Yep, we were given a gift tonight.” Grace was offensive, but it would have disarmed a lot of angry people to admit they needed it. If we preach grace to “people like you, people that really need it, people like _____,” then we will inevitably get an angry “You think you’re better than me?” But if grace is for people like “us,” well then, that goes a long way. It’s good theology as well. Romans 3:23.

3.) We ought to get as upset with ourselves as the Pack did with the Seahawks when the latter denied the grace that had been shown to them. It made me sick to see how much credit Seattle took for their victory. Does it bother us as much when we forget that any spiritual victory is the work of Christ in us? It’s His work in us that we celebrate. He has taken possession of salvation for us and now puts the “ball” in our hands. Only we rejoice with Him who has taken possession of what we could never hope to possess.

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Bringing the gospel to your kids without being a Grace Nazi

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My wife and I have been reading different parenting books. I just finished Our Covenant with Kids while Amy and a number of women at Redeemer are working their way through Give Them Grace by Elyse Fitzpatrick. The former focuses on theology and application of that covenant theology within the family and church. The latter focuses on teaching kids grace, instructing parents specifically how to craft phrases and take full advantage of gospel speaking opportunities. It doesn’t deal with how grace plays itself out within the covenant structure simply because her theology isn’t covenantal. Can’t blame her for ignoring that part!

While not having read Give Them Grace, other than snippets and reviews, I can see Fitzpatrick does a great job of challenging parents to begin to saturate the kids with the gospel at a very young age. And of course, to think gospel-centered, is to think counter-cultural and counter-instinctual. Thus it can seem awkward at the start.
 
I’m thankful for parents willing to re-think parenting in light of the gospel. Because grace is more of a salmon than a tuna (swimming against the current as opposed to going with it-thanks Jerry Seinfeld), we need to intentionally recapture the gospel and apply it to parenting. And if the gospel doesn’t take center-stage in our parenting, being involved in the results or lack thereof, we’ll go neurotic. 

Here’s how the gospel has helped me in my short time as a parent. I have a feeling I’ll only cherish it and need it more and more as the kids grow.

1.) Our ultimate goal is not the behavior of the child. I pray often that my kid will be nice to his friends, not bite, hit or spit. But my main goal as a parent and as a pastor overseeing children is that the kids would know the gospel, cherish Jesus, and connect with a church when they leave the home. 

In the past several days, a few well meaning folks have told me, “I’m glad I got to spend time with your kids because it makes me feel better as a parent.” Now that could be offensive if I didn’t believe the gospel for them. My ultimate goal is not good behavior-though I do want that-but for them to believe the gospel: that will produce behavior consistent with the fruit of the Spirit (Gal 5:22). And when my kids disappoint me, I have to believe the gospel for myself. My kids’ behavior is not my righteousness. Their behavior, successes, or lack thereof are not the solid rock on which I stand. My kids’ performance does not give/take away any meaning to my existence. Jesus and all that he did for me is my righteousness, and that is something which never ebbs or wanes. Now believing that is of course much harder than writing or communicating it to others. But that’s why grace is so important in parenting. Both for you and for your kids.

2.) I try to be a good parent. I pray. I read books. But I think I stink sometimes. Now I love my kids, and because I do, I pray for protection not just from the world, but from themselves and from their parents. I’m certain God can protect them from my failures. I’ve seen God do it before with absentee parents, so I trust him to do it with flawed “presentee” parents. We need the gospel.

3.) The question is then how to do it. That’s one thing Give Them Grace really seeks to accomplish. But that is never an easy, thoughtless, or confession-less thing to do. When the gospel becomes a part of who you are, how then do you instruct and train your kids in such a way that it becomes part of who they are? Here’s what Amy and I have been doing. It may be helpful, or it may not. Still, it always helps me apply the gospel to whatever I’m doing when I see how others apply it to what they are doing. From one flawed parent to another.

  • Speak often in terms that reinforce the gospel. We don’t ask Connar, “Were you a good boy or bad boy?” That seems to indicate a change in standing based upon behavior. We like to say, “Did you listen or not listen?” We tell him that only Jesus makes him good, and that God still loves Him when he does “bad sins.” His position isn’t based upon performance. Sins are still bad, but he knows that God still loves him just as much when he fails to listen.
  • If you speak often enough in terms that reinforce the gospel, you don’t have to analyze every single thing you said or did and wonder, “Did I reinforce the gospel?” That can become draining. Did I teach grace there or only teach the law (of course I realize you have to teach law in order to get to grace)?  To borrow another Seinfeld term, you don’t need to be a “grace Nazi” to yourself or others. If you can’t ever encourage your child in a good behavior, there is probably something wrong. You like encouragement when you have done something well. If my kid listens at school I encourage him and celebrate it! Most of the time we say, “Jesus helped you to listen. Yay!” Or we could say, “Jesus loves you just as much regardless, but we are excited because that shows love to your teachers.” But sometimes we don’t, or sometimes we forget. Yet because we couch most things in the gospel we don’t have to be “grace Nazi’s.” If I tell him, “Good job,” he knows who empowers “good jobs,” and that he, like his Mommy and Daddy, are in need of grace how no matter how good of a job it was. If all you do is celebrate behavior, you will teach moralism. If you saturate your kids with grace in the morning, afternoon, and evening, then what they are going to hear is grace, even if you don’t say it every, single time.
  • The only way to know your kid is getting the gospel and not simply behavioralism is to ask questions and listen to them pray. We can speak about grace until it is coming out of their noses, or ours, but until we hear them speak grace back to us, we don’t know what they really think. If they open up in prayer, “Jesus, only you can change my heart…” or  “I know Jesus that you’ve already obeyed for me so I can relax and follow you….,” then that’s probably a good indication that the gospel is at work.

It is only by grace that anything good comes out of us and out of our kids. Even at 4 years old, my little boy understands and prays for other people’s hearts. When he recognizes that he needs the gospel as much as his friends and parents do, watch out. Good things will happen.

Please share any things you do as a parent to make the gospel part of your parenting in the comment section.

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Fall "season-ette" or "mini-season" reflection

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Fall just sprung upon us this Saturday. It comes every year, and aside from my neighbor’s leaves falling in my yard-and then their raked leaves ending up in my yard as well- I really do like it. I like the cooling temps, the colors, and the lower power bills. And of course there are other things of which Fall should be commended; Fall, to quote The Doobie Brothers, “Is just alright with me.”

But I do take issue with calling Fall a “season.” I don’t know that this designation is entirely accurate here in West Virginia. I did just read Paul’s instruction to Timothy not to “quarrel about words” (II Tim 2:14) this morning so I won’t be dogmatic about this. But consider my concern. We technically do have four “seasons” here in West Virginia. But this is somewhat misleading because we have a 4 month long winter, almost 4 month long Summer, leaving just 2 months for Spring and Fall each. Do Spring and Summer really deserve the title “season?” I would prefer to call them “season-ettes.” They resemble seasons, but don’t have the duration to really deserve the title of season. 2 Seasons. 2 Seasonettes or “mini-seasons.” We have mini-series on TV. Why not “mini-seasons?”

With that off my chest, let me share a Fall “season-ette/mini-season” reflection:

I don’t like Winter. Primarily because I don’t like the power bills. That’s most of it. That and not being able to wear flip flops. So when Fall is here, winter is just around the corner. I think many other folks wish Fall were afforded more prominence in the seasonal rotation as well. And sometimes that desire can actually keep us from enjoying the season. Yeah, this is nice, but it is so short…..

The same thing goes with seasons of life. Some seasons seem to last longer than others. Sometimes in life, just like in WV, “winters” last much longer than Fall. But can I appreciate those “season-ettes,” those shorter respite periods that I wish would last just a little longer? Like kids behaving (hypothetical for me!), weekends, vacations, dinner’s with spouse, sunsets, periods of general blessing? Can we rejoice in the proverbial “Falls” without dwelling on the harsh winters looming ahead?

In preaching through Ecclesiastes a number of years ago, I found this reminder. Enjoy the temporary blessings, despite any potential or obvious “winter” arrival. Fall is meant to be enjoyed, no matter how long the winter lasts. So bring on the Fall, short though it may be.

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Positives and Negatives from Episode 1

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With The Office going down the drain last year, my wife and I agreed on one show: Parenthood. In the end, I think the writers raise one major question: what does a real family look like? Not so much what one should look like-that’s what the other shows like Modern Family and The New Normal attempt to do-but what might it look like? Several work together. They play together. They live together, and celebrate countless parties together. So what does it look like when a family is ALWAYS together? Scenarios arise, and questions are raised. 

Like any show, the nuclear and extended family is either denigrated and redefined (Modern Family/ The New Normal) or it is idolized (only the latter is the case). At the same time, the directors/writers/producers/actors in Parenthood also provide a positive picture and even include, at times, “biblical” instruction.

Positive “biblical” instruction: 

One couple has recently adopted a 7-8 year old lad. He is correctly accused of stealing some sort of lizard, but the new mother doesn’t want to bring it up. At the end of the show, the husband exclaims that, “By not bringing it up, you are not treating him like family, but like a stranger.” The implication being that family can ask tough questions that unsuitable to ask stranger in the same home. Of course the truth also applies within the body life of the local church. If we’re not willing to ask tough questions, which may or may not imply guilt or the need to change, we are treating each other like strangers, not family. Loved this one.

Family-olatry.

After spending some time with another set of grandparents, a child is found praying. The parents are none too thrilled about that, as they want the right to raise their child according to their beliefs. Fair enough. But when asked to define their “doctrine,” neither could offer an answer. So the search begins and ends with the matriarch and patriarch. Neither seems to offer too much help, but the bigger questions like “Where did we come from,” is raised. The standard existential “whatever you decide it to be” wins out, with one “string” attached. This isn’t utterly existential. What shapes the question, and thus the question is this: Whatever “truth” practiced and expressed within the family exists in order to ameliorate the family.

The sad part about this is its accuracy. Many people come back to church to give their kids religion and morals. However many professing Christians never leave this stage. What can your church do to make my kids better kids? What can Jesus do for my kids? I’m good with anything that helps my kids be better kids. If Jesus can do something for my family, I’m good with him. It ends there. No sacrificial giving or going. No bringing people in to the family unless they make it better or more comfortable. Jesus can’t ask anything of me that might keep my kid from a scholarship, being more popular, more comfortable.

Of course this belief is on a continuum and shows like Parenthood help raise keep that struggle before us. If you love your family, this is always a struggle! In the end, I’m thankful to have a show raise such questions and issues. If we take every thought captive-particularly our favorite TV shows-then they can be as devotional as they are enjoyable.